All Things Dutch, Dutch Family Traditions

Weird differences between Dutch and American Birthday parties.

When I was little, our house in the Netherlands was surrounded by a nice big yard by evergreens. The yard had a vegetable garden, a chicken coop and a big lawn, where my brother and I could play. Luckily, my birthday was (and still is ;p) in the summer. Another lucky thing is, that the summers in the Netherlands are not as hot as here in the Midwest. So it was a perfect place to have birthday parties for kids.

Kids birthday parties in the 80’s…

Sometimes my parents set up a tent, a swimming pool and we played games. My mom made home made French fries and typical Dutch snacks like “kroket” , “frikadel” or little sausages with ketchup and mayonnaise and apple sauce.  It was a big treat to use straws or have ice cubes in our drinks.

We played games like bottle soccer, or “spijkerpoepen”, “koekhappen”. We are talking about the 80’s here! I would not recommend using the word “nailpooping” for a game played at a child’s birthday party in the US, by the way. Parents might freak out;)

Here are more Dutch games we used to play.

Sometimes we had a family outing. For example, when I had my 10th birthday, we went to an outdoor event of the “World Music Contest” in Kerkrade, the Netherlands. This was a marching show in a stadium with music bands from all over the world. That might have been the first time I met “real” American people. There were music bands waving huge flags and white, fake guns or rifles. It was impressive, because there were so many people, so fast with their movements and playing their instruments. I loved it!!!

Other times we were on vacation and I remember celebrating my birthday in Spain and Austria.

Kids birthday parties now…

I don’t know how people used to celebrate a child’s birthday in the USA, but it seems that nowadays in both the Netherlands and the US, parents are willing to pay more money to do birthday party activities. Maybe it is part of having internet resources, like Pinterest and blogs, but I see all kinds of themed parties happening all around me.

I’ve found a website in the Netherlands where you can get themed parties in a box. Dress up clothes and other gadgets for princesses or pirate parties or craft materials for creative workshop parties. Even organized party supplies for teenagers, family reunions and business parties. 

In America I see tons of links to blog posts with parties on different themes, magazines with ideas on how to throw an amazing party for your child. And everything is in matching colors and designs. But what about the parents? Are they overwhelmed with all the things that the child wants? Here is an interesting article about that!

Do we need to fully organize a birthday party?

A few years ago I went all out and organized a Minecraft Party for our sons 8th birthday party. I bought green table cloths, green balloons and colored the creepers faces on them, I baked a MineCraft Cake and printed out tags with the snacks on them to put next to every bowl with that snack, we played games and did a craft. It was a lot of fun and the weather was perfect, but the year after, our son wanted to play in the park with the wooden playground and a cake.

“That’s all?” I asked “Yes, mom, that’s all!” he said.

The same thing happened with our oldest. For their 11th birthday, they just wanted to stay at home in our back yard with a “Slime Making Station” and homemade pizza. Music, lemonade and iced tea, chips, pizza dough and some toppings….

“That’s all?” “Yes, mom, that’s all!” I was amazed that several kids thanked us for having such an amazing party! What???

birthday parties in the Netherlnds

It seems that kids don’t need to be entertained that much. They have already full and structured days at school. That doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be fun, but to make the day less stressful not only for the parents, but for the children too, we don’t need to go all out. 

Over the past 2 years when I had the Craft Cafe (it was one of the few indoor places in town where families could have a party), I noticed that the parents just wanted to rent the place. I offered help in any way from decorating till buying snacks, drinks and a cake. Sometimes I organized crafts or games depending on the theme of the party. Most families didn’t seem to need the fully organized package.

A lot of times, kids didn’t wanted to do a game or a craft. They were happy just playing with friends, dancing on music, eating snacks, the cake and singing for the birthday boy or girl.

What are differences between Dutch and American Birthday Parties?

Have you been to a Dutch ADULT birthday party? Sometimes they call it a “kring-feestje” or circle party. Everyone will sit in a circle, drink coffee or tea and eat a piece of cake or pie, like apple pie, ski vlaai or rijste vlaai. I’ve never seen anyone sing a birthday song, blow out candles or cut the cake in front of everyone and hand the pieces out at an adult birthday party. Here in the USA, it doesn’t matter how old you are, you always have the cake ceremony.

The Dutch used to see the American kids as spoiled. Big parties and presents, big dresses for the girls, big cake and a pinata with lots and lots of candy. Everything big, big, big! Is it still like that?

It is not so much the case in the town where we live right now. It is not your average Iowa or Midwest town either, I have to say. Our town is very multi cultural and it is always very interesting to see how other cultures celebrate their kids birthdays. A lot of times we sing the birthday song in different languages.

Where can you have birthday parties?

Most of the parties we attend here in the US, are outside (if the weather permits). In a park with playgrounds, in the forest with a shelter or in someone’s back yard or at their home. Now the kids are getting older, a lot of parties are at swimming pools, trampoline parks or indoor skating rinks.

There is always a clear time frame, usually 2 or 3 hours. Kids play, have snacks and something to drink. Halfway through the party, the cake comes on the table and everyone sings “Happy Birthday!” in whatever language.

Cake or something else?

This is one of the most amazing things and disgusting at the same time: the CAKE! Looking at those colorful decorated cakes at our local grocery stores, the enamel on my teeth spontaneously starts to crack (just kidding! I just don’t want to know how much sugar and coloring stuff is in those cakes). I’m sorry, but even at birthday parties I’d like to give my kids something sweet….but not THAT sweet, something colorful….but NOT with a whole jar of food coloring. 

It was time to roll up my sleeves and start making my own. After all, that is what my mom always did. More challenging these days is, that several kids are either gluten, dairy, nut or egg intolerant. You can find a great (and don’t be scared: this is really yummy stuff) birthday cake recipe here.

birthday parties in the Netherlands
birthday parties in the Netherlands

What is a Pinata?

I was also introduced to this new phenomenon: the Pinata! See pictures above. You hang a big (it looks like a) present, filled with candy on a string from the ceiling. Younger kids just wack the pinata with a stick or bat. Older kids are being blindfolded and then they hit the pinata until it opens up and all the candy falls out.

Gifts

Close to the end of the party, the kids give their present to the birthday child. Sometimes the birthday child chooses to give their presents to an organization, like our local animal shelter. The children bring presents for the animals instead of something for the birthday child. The birthday child collects the presents and donates them to the shelter. I like that idea a lot, because my children don’t need more toys…really! The problem is, how to get my child to choose that option?

I don’t remember that well, but in the Netherlands we opened up our present as soon as the guest comes into the door. It might seem rude, but on the other hand, the child can have some one-on-one-time with his or her guest. After that…it was PARTY TIME!!!

birthday parties in the Netherlands
Make a Wish!

How many kids do you invite?

Luckily our school is small and it is easy for me to send out invitations, because most of the parents I know well, even outside of school, but I can totally see a problem if there are a lot of children in a class and they’re coming to school by school bus. You won’t know the parents that well or not at all. Are you going to invite ALL of the children or just the ones your child plays with the most? On the invitations you’ll ask the parents to RSVP, but not all of them do that, which can be annoying sometimes. How much food you need to buy and party favors etc.

On October 15 2017, I’ve found an article in the Dutch news about a research that was done and a new initiative that is coming from that research to have “all-class”- birthday parties. This project is about a few parents organizing birthday parties together, so kids who are not always invited to parties, are given the opportunity to go to a party.

It is nice for those kids who are never invited to parties, but it takes away some learning points. Kids have to learn to deal with these hard decisions. On the other hand the kids who are having the parties don’t have to make decisions and will not teach them anything at all. In some cultures it seems quite harsh to not invite all the kids, especially when kids are at the age of starting to get friends.

It’ll be a good initiative for parents who don’t have so much to spend, because all the parents who will organize an all-class party can share the costs. The idea is also to get funding from the city or town to help these families financially with the kids birthday parties.

Parties in the Netherlands

In the Netherlands, I remember, when I was little, we only invited the children we played with the most. You would not give the invitations at school, but you normally bring them to their homes, or the parents give them to other parents when they’re waiting after school.  If I look back at it, it must have been quite a hassle not to give just EVERYONE an invitation.

Birthday parties don’t have a time schedule and can run easily 4 to 6 hours. Snacks, but also small meals can be included at these parties, like French Fries or things like pancakes. During the party time, kids can play games or watch a movie. There’s usually not a theme. I’ve never seen a pinata in the Netherlands. I only can tell you about the way we used to celebrate birthday parties (and for me that is more than 30 years ago!). I don’t know what has changed and what parents are doing now, because I have never organized a kids birthday party in the Netherlands or attended one. Maybe you can help me and comment below?

Times are changing and it is interesting to see how parents organize their children’s birthday parties. There is a big difference between 30 years ago and now, but there are also some differences between the USA and the Netherlands.

What was the most shocking difference for you at birthday parties in an other culture?

birthday parties for kids
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